life events

Anniversary – Sans Crap

I know what she must be thinking, even today, and as surely as she thinks many days.
What the hell did I do, marrying this guy??

Being that I have disavowed anything she would describe as “crap” from this entry, I will confess that I have replayed a similar phrase many times in eleven years. It’s sorta like the mood we experienced within hours of our first child’s birth, when he was screaming like he had a lemon-juice-coated paper cut; it’s that Oh God, what did we do?? thought that shoots through the mind sometimes. She must relive the sensation every time I walk around like a moody and reclusive ass of a man, just as I feel it each time she utters the words “garage” and “organize.” Oh, I just tasted a little bile thinking about it. Or maybe that’s just the McCafe’

We could hardly be more different, she and I. I’m tall to the point of inconvenience; she’s…shorter than average (that’s still not crap!). She’s an organized planner; I’m about as much a planner as The Joker.

She’s focused and attentive; I’m a daydreamer who once came very close to living humanity’s mutual nightmare by leaving the house with no pants on. She’s a self-proclaimed “home body”; I’m developing an allergy to my house. She likes the doors locked; I prefer them wide open. She gets stuff done; I’m getting done with stuff. She’s great at most things she does; I’m too out of focus to be good at much of anything. She’s direct; I’m Captain Circuitous.
How in the world did this happen?!

I’m starting to see that it doesn’t really matter how it happened. Maybe I was having a “forgot my pants” moment when I slipped on the ring. Maybe she was faint from lack of sleep when she said “yes.” Or maybe our relationship is a piece of the Almighty’s grand conspiracy to stir us toward something better – to be better than we could ever be otherwise. I believe that’s it. She and I – we are a typically ungrateful pair in His divine conspiracy. And as much as we drive each other completely insane, God KNOWS we do! there is no denying that He has, against all our heel-digging, made us better people. It’s not easy, getting better. Lord, it’s hard. Marriage is very hard.


Dear Ms. Christmas, from my deepest heart, Thank You for sticking with me through the years, for helping me be better. I know I’ve not made it easy, and (as this is a “no crap” blog entry) I can’t begin to promise it will get any easier. But thanks for being an incredible wife, an incredible human being. These are mediocre times, and you are anything but.
I Love you

29 replies »

  1. This is beautiful, and it’s amazing how you acknowledge how better you both have gotten. Marriage is hard…wish I had known that 7 years ago. Great post and God’s best for both of you in the many healthy and joyful years ahead.

  2. The Divine Conspiracy—I love it!
    You know, my husband and I always joke (when we’re watching a movie or a show) that as soon as somebody dies, everybody says “He was a good guy.” Same seems to go for anniversary posts, where the rough-spots suddenly get ignored—so thanks for delivering a very REAL (indeed, “no crap”) look at Married Life. Or… Life from within the Divine Conspiracy. Full of love… AND the rest of Life.

  3. What a fantastic post 🙂 Your honesty and humor ~ and loving spirit shine through your words. Married 25 years here – 5 ‘1″ with hubby at 6’2″ so can hear you there… and so much more. It’s harder than anyone knows – but so worth it! Thanks for sharing your heart here 🙂

    • It seems that when I look at most other married couples, I am more similar to the wife and she to the husband. It’s a wonder I have an security as a man.

      • Dear Legion,
        You are freakin me out.
        It’s the same for me. All of our couple friends….the wife is like my guy….the huz like me.
        I have theory tho.
        I think I seek out friends who are like my husband. Female ones…women…who help me to understand my husband better.
        When they say,’ OMG!!! I wish he would just do something without having to ask for once!!! It’s so hard to be the responsible one!!!’
        It’s the same words my husband says to me, but this time…I’m not defensive. I can really HEAR what they are sayin, you know?
        Our marriage benefits from it.
        And it’s reciprocal. I give a viewpoint that my friends listen to, and can identify their husbands feeling the same way.
        It’s a good deal.
        I’m guessing you subconciously pick out friends that help you to understand your partner better, too.
        It’s pretty cool.

  4. You sound like an awesome hubby, with all your imperfections! And I’ll bet your wife knows it too. We girls know when we spot a good one, underpants ‘n’ all

    • I’m probably to husbands like an up and down golf player – shanking shot after shot, then occasionally, I really get hold of one and get back in the game.
      Thanks for reading. 🙂

  5. love it…so very adorable!!! (am sure she loved you more for this) and hope you had a super anniversary 🙂

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